THE GIFT (AND CHALLENGE) OF PRESENCE
I am convinced that replaying the past and trying to get ahead of the future are foundational parts of the human condition. Staying grounded and feeling joyful or content in the present moment may be one of life’s greatest challenges only some are lucky enough to achieve. We have all experienced being in the present moment when the stakes are high, during an accident, taking a test, doing a highly dangerous task, or during athletics. But, what about those quiet, peaceful times when it’s just you and your thoughts?'
It’s been said many times before that this present moment is all we have; all that is guaranteed. So why is presence so difficult to sustainably achieve?
I previously found remaining present one of my greatest challenges. I had extreme difficulty staying in the moment when life was calm and quiet or if I was not accomplishing something. I needed to be constantly engaged keeping my brain occupied. When sitting alone in my office trying to get work done, I answered the call that came in or checked my emails repetitively. I loved a good crisis; the need to put out a fire. So much so, my daily plan was routinely hijacked. I answered the call to action, then blamed that as the reason I didn’t get my planned work done. This pattern was so evident; it was blatantly obvious to myself and everyone around me. I tried so many times to command and control or inspire myself into a different pattern, to get my work done so that I could enjoy the moments of quiet, peace, and solitude. Yet, I was unsuccessful. Nothing seemed to work. My to-do list was so long it was impossible for any human to accomplish. I eventually realized this was a protective mechanism to prevent me from having to sit in the unfamiliarity of silence and solitude.
Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. - Pema Chödrön
In the spring of 2021, my sweet 14 y/o pup Leica began challenging me to embrace the present moment and accept it as it was. All she wanted was to be by my side and her favorite place was outside. She was particularly fond of laying in her bed in our vehicle with the back open.
I initially got frustrated because I had a to-do list longer than our vehicle. Yet, I knew time was fleeting and that Leica wouldn’t be with us forever. I began embracing my moments with her. Fear of loss can be such a driver of behavior.
Leica was a luminous warrior and a gentle soul. She embodied unconditional love with the regal drive and stubbornness to achieve what she desired: wandering around the yard sniffing the greenery, sleeping in the back of our vehicle, or pulling my husband and me around the neighborhood. My attention was on her and her action was being in the present moment. She was my teacher, my facilitator of presence. I began to call this time “Lessons with Leica”, it was during this time I had so many ah-ha moments and began to see and feel my way through life differently.
I had previously worked at achieving coherence, a balanced flow state through a variety of techniques; HeartMath coherence and resilience-building techniques were my favorite. I was able to regulate myself to temporarily stay in the present moment but had difficulty sustaining grounded presence. I eventually realized that I was carrying limiting beliefs that hijacked me. The primary one: “my value is determined by the amount of work I do or the number of tasks I check off my to-do list”.
I was able to replace this limiting belief with a core belief, I learned through Leica. My current core belief is “My value is determined by how much love I give each day.”
I have achieved the ability to remain present; what a gift! It has liberated me from my monkey mind that routinely hijacked my peace. The ability to stay grounded in the present moment, enjoying what “is” rather than dress rehearsing a worst-case scenario of the future.
Here’s what I discovered about presence from my Lessons with Leica:
Only temporary presence is achieved through discipline, positive affirmations, or distractions of your mind by focusing on your breath.
It requires both self-regulation and a change in beliefs and patterns to achieve long term.
When you desire new outcomes, you must break up with old familiar patterns that no longer serve you.
Your unconscious or limiting beliefs may be impacting your ability to maintain presence.
For me to achieve presence, I had to learn self-regulation strategies to keep me in the moment, along with rewiring my nervous system to let go of limiting beliefs and to integrate my traumas.
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If you are struggling to maintain your presence, join me for my upcoming 6-week online coaching program Living and Leading with Vitality. Using supportive lifestyle practices and inspirational education, I’ll share self-regulation tools and techniques that will help you listen to your body’s inner wisdom, take control of your health, and reboot your vitality.